4th March 2012

I seriously do not know who to trust or who to talk to now.. I do not know what is wrong with everything. Just for this time, if you guys feel that i should talk to him you should give me a reason to do so right? Being 2 stubborn party would it make sense if both of us feel that we are not at fault? Would we even look for each other to talk things out.

I did not know about the reason for all this crap until the last day that it happen. Issit fair to me? Even after what i say that the misunderstanding is about her and me, you guys did not even care to correct me at all. You guys did not even tell me its not about that. Would it even be fair that he always is right? I am not saying that i am not totally to blame but guys.. If one is siding me you guys are siding him.. If you guys get it at all.

i find it unfair...
Since when did i ever said that he is jealous of me because i have more friend? I only say that why is he liddat. He can have more female friends and i cannot have it. Issit fair?
Since when did i ever spread around to others making him a bastard? People ask i just simply say that i got some misunderstanding with him. Thats all. I did say about Hd's and me story to eugene, wilson and eileen. So does it means telling someone in our clique this will make them side me more than him?
Since when did i tell other that you would hate them if he are my friend? I simply tell them that don't let him know you are my friend because i scare he will be awkward with my friend. So issit counted like i again make you feel that you are a bastard. I even tell my friend that is working with him that he is a joker and a nice guy.
but why does all the storys have to be turnout differently...

After what happen a year ago. I feel this guilt for you guys. Even up till today. Even up till the day when we started to fade away. I constantly blame myself for what had happen within our clique. But do you guys know that i have been trying my best to do any possible things for you guys? Even trying my best to fit into his shoe by doing what he would do for you and awaiting the day that he would be back. I even force myself to come school to guide you guys just because i am worry that with him not around, you guys would need more help. But i do not feel appreciated at all.

Now that things have been this way, i feel even more guilty. I make this happen to all of you. I am just affected that you guys felt that the only person who is right is him.. Whatever it is.. Idk what i choose to do. I don't wish to make things difficult for you guys and him. Maybe i should leave... Its all my fault afterall.

If you ever feel that i am fake.. I got nothing to say. After all this long time, i totally appreciated what you have done for me. You were always there to help me in anythings i need. Brother which you said its a word you use on close people, do you think that its a word for me to call you for fun. But our friendship just end this way..

4th March 2012

It does not really matter to you and i do not know what i should or i should not do. Sometimes whatever you said you might feel fun but in a way i feel so affected. Would you even notice the feeling that i got deep inside. Even if i am hurt, you do not care.